He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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