We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
