i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
