I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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