Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
