I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
