he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
