I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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