She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
