Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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