Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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