I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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