You made me cry and you don't even care
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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