This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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