My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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