Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
