i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
