I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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