Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
