i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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