Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
