I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
