Umm I'm too high to move.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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