I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
