I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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