why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Randomize
