He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They took my balls.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
