she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
