Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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