I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
