i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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