it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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