I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
