she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
