I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Randomize
