I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
