yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just sent this text using only my big toe
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
