You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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