i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
