i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
