; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i just google imaged poop.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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