Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
