the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
