i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
And then he peed in my hair
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