Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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