If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
