Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
