In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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