I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
