Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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