One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
whose parrot is this?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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