My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
