I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
