She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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